Merry Christmas!!!

Click photo to see bigger picture
Credits: (photos) kris criste
(scrap) shabby princess, seasonal sampler

Christmas Has Arrived

.. in our house, that is!

i so wanted to decorate for christmas as soon as halloween has passed. but tantan said it's not worth it. for one, we're not done yet with decorating (renovating) some parts of the house. also, we wont be spending christmas and new year's day in our house (we're spending them with friends). but the main reason is, cayden will just pick/pull baubles out from the tree, like he used to with our apple trees. tantan asked me if i'll be able to run after cayden and stop him from doing so without getting all stressed out (being heavily pregnant and all). hmmnn... that got me thinking.

then cayden started going to nursery and they have this really big christmas tree. even when placed next to it, cayden didnt bother with the decors. that gave me hope. when we were in our friend's house, he didnt touch their tree. i decided it was time to argue my case again. tantan gave in. phew!

last saturday, we went to pick up the tree that we reserved online. it was an artificial black tree (para maiba naman!). we were told they were trying to contact us to tell us that the tree they reserved was an ex-display and doesnt have a box anymore. they werent offering any discounts and looking at the tree, it wasnt worth the price they were asking for. so we left and went to another store.

the thing about christmas tree shopping is, with it being close to christmas, you dont really get much options. fortunately, there was this tree looking really good and being sold at half price. ok, that's a cracking deal. we immediately called for help as we couldnt find any more in stock (the trees on display come with numbers and that's how you find them in the boxed up pile). the staff looked for stock but we're told there's none left. we told him we saw two boxes on the top shelf and could he check if they still have something in them. if not, we're ready to take the display. he went to get a really tall ladder.

while waiting for him, there was this lady with her husband and she's eyeing the tree as well. she was talking on her cell and was describing the tree. i even joked at tantan, telling him she's in for a disappointment bec. there'll be no tree for her, what with all the trouble she has to go through. whaddyaknow! she just placed the tree in her trolley! she must have heard our conversation with the staff and reckons she'll get away with the tree, if there's really none in stock, with it already in her trolley!

they asked a female staff and was told there's probably none in stock. sensing her evil plan, i changed gear, poised to fight for that tree. we saw it first!!! i told the lady that we're actually asking for the same tree and that a staff's just gone to get a tall ladder to look at the boxes. and that we're getting the display if there's none in stock. as if on cue, the guy and another staff wheeled in the ladder. the evil lady then said, well, you cant have the tree because it's already in my trolley!!! it's not only the fact that she's stealing our tree (the tree i've fought so hard for with tantan), but the way she said that really made my blood boil!!!

i told her, i didnt know you can put displays in your trolley without asking first! i was so mad that i felt tears starting to well up. so as a more civilised, educated person, i thanked the staff for helping me, going out of their way to find a really tall and heavy looking staircase, wished everybody a merry christmas and then left.

OMG! ang tanda na nya wala pa syang pinagkatandaan!!! and wala man lang awa - obviously i am pregnant and then kasama pa si cayden happily looking at trees too! where's the spirit of christmas!?anyways, i started crying in one corner, my boys trying to console me (i was crying kasi super galit ako). then the staff who was helping me (he actually looks like nick of the jonas brothers lol!) and the lady staff that the evil lady approached earlier came to us and said they found a stock of the same tree. i could have kissed both of them but was too embarrassed to face them bec i was still crying like a baby!

anyways, we were just so happy and grateful. we went on to buy the decors (we even saw the evil lady with her stolen tree in her trolley in the decor section) and happily put up the tree when we got home.

ok, so we failed to account for cayden being more behaved in other people's house. he calls the baubles "apple" especially the red one (it's gold and red this year). he'll try picking up one or two but he can easily be distracted. hopefully, we can ward him off until the new year. it's just that, christmas wont be christmas without the tree!

Life Without Mommy

ok, so the title was a bit melodramatic!

my mom has left and is now having a super grand time in the US with her siblings. huh! she's been gone 2 weeks now but she'll be back end of january, hopefully just in time before i give birth (if kian waits, that is!).

it's been very manageable so far. having been left with 2 really messy boys lol. cayden is back in nursery mon-wed, days that i work. but he'll only be there a total of 16 days and we've only got 9 days left (this coming week and 2 weeks in january).

i start my work days bet 6-6:30am, depending on what time i wake up lol. i prepare and cook our breakfast, cayden's baon for nursery, tantan's lunch (and sometimes mine as well) and our dinner. i dont want to be cooking dinner when i get home because im sure (which is truly the case) im knackered by then!

after cooking, i get dressed for work, wake tantan and cayden up and bathe the little one. we then have breakfast together then tantan will bring cayden to the nursery while i head off to work. i will pick cayden up after work, bring him home, watch the telly/play with him, heat our dinner up and wait for daddy to come home then we have supper together. i put cayden to sleep around 7:30 (or 8 if he napped in nursery). i usually sleep as soon as cayden sleeps but some nights, a stay up for another hour or two just to browse the net. then another day starts....

on thursdays, i wake up an hour later (7:30ish), do the same routine and head out with cayden at 9am to attend his kindermusik class. fridays-sundays, i wake up when cayden wakes up and that is around 8-ish. i do house chores while cayden watches tv which works really well as a distractor. i do my laundry on thursdays and iron them on fridays.

in all honesty, this is the only time i felt im really a mom (just because i havent woken up this early before to prepare meals! - my mom does it for us =D). i love every minute of it except for the cooking part bec cooking really is not my cup of tea. but so far, my boys are not complaining!

just this week and i'll be off work for 2 weeks (annual leave) and then back at work for another 2 weeks. then the long break begins. i cant wait for my mom to come back. not because my house chores will be lighter (ok, that's part of it) but bec of the goodies she'll be bringing back home. im such a sucker for treats!!!

29 Weeks Exactly

only 11 more weeks and kian will be with us (that is if he decides to come on time =D)! if he's anything like his older brother, we may have to wait another 6 days before he shows his cute face =D

today commences my 30th week of pregnancy. where has time gone!? i've got a little nudger inside me - very active and playful. oftentimes, i get tickled by all his movements! but that's great, right?

he only scared me once. im used to him being so active that last monday, i couldnt feel him move at all! last time i felt him was at around 7am that morning. it's almost lunch time and he hasnt even hiccuped once! i read that they should move at least 10 times in 2hours. i couldnt focus on my work, i was contemplating on calling my midwife to tell her about my concerns.

i read that if i drink something cold and sweet, that'll make them move. i only had water with me so i decided to buy a soda. lo and behold! i felt him moving again. i told tantan afterwards that his little nudger is somewhat "maluho".

so what's my tummy like now? BIG and HEAVY!

credits: shabby princess gabby badge album

Torn: Glee or Elmo

cayden has been climbing on top of everything. we eventually got tired of telling him off and running after him so most of the time, we just let him do as he pleases (unless he's really put himself in a very dangerous situation). we only hope that if and when he hurt himself, he'll learn from it (but obviously not, since he hasnt been discouraged by the bumps and falls he had). he's got good balance and can calculate depth and distance really well that we allow him to do his naughty tricks.

last night, he was watching the elmo video tantan got him (on tantan's laptop). and us, adults, decided to watch glee. he was seated in front of the laptop (he got on the chair by himself) and we were on the sofa, a few feet from him. as soon as he heard the music on glee, he turned himself around and was even boucing to the beat. then he would turn around and watch elmo again (repeat lotsa times!). it was too cute to pass so i took some pictures!

He even stood up to show off his dancing skills!

Kiki - Flawless No More

i've had kiki for over a week now. i was a bit nervous driving a bigger car but it proved to be easy (well, with parking sensors, it should really be easy, right? =D). anyways, just two days after having her, im already used to her as if im driving my previous (3dr-hatchback) car. so far, it's been running smoothly and our gamble (of buying something we didnt view) has proven to be a success. we've been very lucky!

...until today. i was walking to the parking lot, going home after work, when i noticed that she has a brand new scratch on her front right bumper. it was almost dark and i've got bad vision and to see it from that distance, it has to be bad! when we bought her, she's got some very light scratches on the black bumper but not on the main silver bumper. and this is what i saw:

ok, i know im over reacting. this is just a car. it's not even brand new (imagine if it's brand new, i would have killed someone! lol). worse could have happened. but it still pisses me knowing i've been very careful with all my belongings and then some idiot will do the damage that easily! anyways, big bro saw what he/she did. karma will catch up on him/her in no time!

Kiki

im probably one of those crazy people who name their stuff/belongings just because. from our house (unayuki), to our cars (there was golpi - for golpi sarado, stuwart - for stupid wart, chloe - clio, ice - police, baxi - vauxhall, tere - the race).

i wanted to use "kiki" as a petname for our supposedly daughter (bec we're naming her kirsten). but since im pregnant with another boy and this is probably it, i decided to just use the name for my new car.

what... new car?! well, it's not actually brand new. it's second hand (we've never bought a brand new one bec we just think it's a rip off with the very expensive price tags when you can buy used at a more reasonable price - and they still look/work just as fine).

i have baxi, a 3d hatchback. she's been with me for 2.5 years, never had major problems whatsoever. but i have to let go of her bec my family is expanding and 3-door isnt really ideal if you have kids. if i didnt get pregnant, i wouldnt need to change cars since i managed with cayden. but with 2 kids, it's definitely a stretch. we have tere (a 7seater), which is supposedly tantan's car (but he's now cycling to work so we might consider selling her in the future) but it has manual transmission and i can only drive automatics.

Baxi

Tere

anyways, we're in no hurry to replace baxi. but just the same, tantan was on the lookout for possible replacements (ebay, autotrader). when i saw the features of the renault scenic, i told tantan, i dont want any other car but this - without even looking at how much the road tax and insurance cost are. come to think of it, my first car was a renault (clio) and it drove wonderfully until it had to be written off bec a stupid old man bumped me from behind. and then tere is also renault - so fingers crossed, kiki wont give us any major headaches.

this is the crazy bit. they say never ever buy a car you havent test-driven beforehand. kiki was being auctioned off on ebay. it was to end on a sunday (last sunday actually). the car is in surrey, about an hour from us. we wanted to see it on the saturday, but the seller was not available. the description was pretty ok (hpi clear, drives well, well maintained, etc). but of course, you couldnt be sure unless you see it for yourself. anyways, long story short, we decided to bid without even viewing it, but set a limit so that if there's any work needed to be done we'll still have extra money for the repairs. this car doesnt come with any warranty, at all! so we got lucky and won the auction! tantan said the poorest version of this car is still selling at around 800 more than what we bought it for. so not bad.

tantan collected the car earlier. based on the previous mot's, no major repairs were done. the engine sounds/drives good/well (based from our limited knowledge), the body is still in mint condition apart from some scratches on the bumper, it has all the space we need plus the features i wanted it for in the first place. it's a bit wider and a lot longer than my hatchback but i need not worry bec it has parking sensors! and tantan likes her bec it also has cruise control! it's quite loaded with features, it's driving me mad =D

Kiki

huge sunroof!

yup, that's the key!

you need to press the start/stop to turn on/off the ignition

i drove her when we went grocery shopping. im still a bit nervous driving her, im sure it will take some time to get used to. we're still keeping our fingers crossed that no major problem will come up anytime soon!

im going to miss baxi! but it's time to let her go.. selling her off in a week and im feeling really sad. hope we find her a good new owner!

DIY

again, i have been negligent of this blog. lots have been going on lately and we're trying to do as much as we can while my mom is still here. she's leaving in a few week's time and when she's gone, it'll be just me and cayden most of the time and being heavily pregnant, i wont be able to do much.

anyways, we're redecorating our upstairs/downstairs hallways and afterwards, the master bedroom. it all started when cayden started peeling off the wallpaper upstairs. that gave me the push to start the whole process. after all, we've been in this house for 5 years now and some of the rooms are still stuck in the 80's! it's about time we update some more areas of the house.

tantan prepping the stairway - the hardest bit!

just a little history - our house is probably about 50-60 years old. we bought it from a little old lady, who wanted to move nearer her family as she's living all alone (a widow). so just imagine how outdated the decors were/are. our house has 3 bedrooms (2 doubles and 1 single), a galley kitchen, a separate loo and bathroom, lounge/diner, utility room and a fairly big back garden. all the bedrooms are fairly decorated. as well as the lounge. there isnt any need for urgent updating. even so, the other rooms are/were functional despite looking really outdated.

the first one we renovated was the kitchen (2007). we were helped by a friend and her husband from work, tantan's previous boss and one of our neighbours.

Old

renovated

next was our bathroom and loo, just a few months before giving birth to cayden. the bathroom is always my favorite spot in a house so it has to be visually appealing. our old one - disappointing! it had bright pink tiles, pipes showing and the tub was ewe! i love having baths but i have never taken one single bath in the old tub! and we used to sit on a stool just because we couldnt stand up because we were splashing the wallpaper with water and we had to shower using a pail and a dipper because the hot and cold faucets were separate. i told tantan i dont want to bathe our baby in the yucky tub (it's clean though but not my type!) and we have to refurbish before i give birth. thankfully, he agreed. we were helped by our next door neighbour (who just moved in), who happens to be a builder and has a brother who is a plumber. they didnt charge us much =D (and they can cost an arm and a leg!).

 

before

rainforest shower with hand shower and little body jets

whirlpool tub big enough for 2!

then it was cayden's room.

in addition, our next door neighbours (both sides) have fenced our garden (even the side we're responsible of). i've long wanted to do that to have more privacy but it's really not that important so we just let it be. thankfully, it's been done for us =D

the house is really getting smaller for our family. cayden has been dominating most rooms (and soon, kian will be joining him!). the kids really need their own separate playroom so we, adults, still have a place to relax - without seeing any chaos toys around. but it's not gonna happen in the very near future. tantan said, the earliest we can move house is probably 2013. the housing market is not really good at the moment and the banks are not giving out affordable mortgage deals. hopefully, as the economy improves (god knows when!), we'll be able to buy and move into a bigger house.  for now, all we can do is bring all our junk to the attic lol!

Kindermusik

i have long wanted to enroll cayden in a special class where he can interact with other kids. he's now at this stage where he'll be all active and bubbly if it's just us with him (me, tantan and lola) but then goes quiet and reserved if there are other unfamiliar people around. there are playgroups available but most of them we can't go to bec of conflict with work. i didnt want to enroll him in just any class. i want one that is already tried and tested. in the philippines, there are 2 that are very popular - gymboree and kindermusik. i wondered whether they'd be offered here too.

i did some research and found out that both are being offered here! unfortunately, the nearest gymboree is about 50miles away. there's kindermusik near us but the term has already started. to top it, we are only able to do either a thur or a fri class because i go to work mon-wed. i was initially offered a tues slot but then, one parent pulled out bec they'll be going overseas for an indefinite period of time - so we're in on a thurs slot! next term though, we might need to move to a tues class bec thurs really is always full. but it doesnt matter. i'll be on maternity leave then. i can do whatever days!

earlier was cayden's first session. i was a bit anxious bec i dont exactly know where it is (it's only 5.4miles from our house) and i'd be relying on the gps to get us there. and it was raining cats and dogs so that didnt help my confidence (i dont like driving to new places - i am still scared of big roundabouts!). anyways, we got there with plenty of time to spare. there were about 8 kids and cayden is the youngest (at exactly 18months).

watching mickey mouse before leaving for class

we were the first ones there. cayden was initally exploring by himself, occasionally pulling me to where he wants to go until the other kids started arriving. he then became quiet (usually, if there are new faces, he'll just sit on my lap and observe the people). the class started and cayden was just on his observant mode. during the instrument time, he participated but when it was time to put away the toy, he didnt want to let go of it - he cried! then he was in a sour mood.

the teacher said it's normal for kids to react that way in the first few sessions. and knowing cayden, once he gets familiar with all the faces and gets to warm up with the other kids, he'll be his dance-y, bubbly self again.

the loot: picture books, stir xylophone, cd, bag

cant wait for the next session. hopefully, cayden will be more cooperative =D

7 Years

here in uk, people celebrate guy fawkes night (also known as bonfire night) every 5th of november. as for me, i have a different occasion to celebrate - the anniversary of my coming over here in england. and you can just imagine my arrival - with a bang (lots of fireworks)! and last november 5, was my 7th anniversary. i still cant believe i've been here that long!

i never imagined living here. i do admit, i have imagined myself living in a foreign country, but england wasnt on the list. it all started about a year before we went. there was an agency in the philippines recruiting for audiology posts here in england. two of my friends applied and they were accepted. i didnt apply. i didnt see any need to move countries. i was working in a good hospital - salary wasnt as good as i hoped but i was happy with what i was doing. but things became messy - relationships (personal and professional) broke down. fortunately, a year after, the 2 friends who migrated suggested we apply to work in england as there was a great demand for our profession. they gave as a link to an agency here in uk.

after just a few days of submitting our cv's (me and my other workmate/friend at the same hospital), i got an email from an agent. he has a job lined up for me. soon after, i was interviewed and then i just saw myself flying off to uk in no time. the whole process (initial contact to flying over) probably only took 2-3 months. my friend was also contacted a week after me, with a post in the same hospital so we left at the same time! everything was shouldered by the hospital - visa fees and airfare. we only paid for the medical exam locally. they even found us our accommodation, just a few meters from the hospital. everything was set when we arrived (was even picked up by a chauffeur-driven private car complete with uniform). our friends met us at the airport to give us our first essentials - food!, phone cards, plates, cutleries, etc - we were spoiled!

of course, the first few months seemed to drag forever! we were homesick, we didnt have much to do. fortunately, our partners were able to join us after 6 months. then finally, life happened! and time just flew by really quickly.

in those 7 years, we've only been back to the phils 3 times. we got married, bought a house, became british citizens, had kids. recently, i have unearthed old pictures from our first few years here. god, i feel old!!! anyhow, im really grateful for the opportunity given to me. im really proud of what i have achieved, how tantan and i have been able to build our lives here.

7 years and counting!

Big Bird

after my anomaly scan a week ago, a sonographer approached me and asked if i want to volunteer as a test subject for their fetal heart scanning course. the governing trust that did my scan (which is also where i work) is a teaching hospital and they run different courses to train people in their respective fields from all over the country. she said im a really good candidate because of my slim structure, which would make seeing the baby very easy. since the course was set on my day off, i said yes. it's another good excuse to see the baby!

the course is to train sonographers to detect anomalies of the fetal heart. there were 4 of us (pregnant ladies) who volunteered at that particular time slot and there were 20 people booked for the course. i had 5 people testing me for an hour. the course instructor assigned to me was a male senior OB-GYNE consultant and he was very good. before the scanning began, i asked the consultant if he'll be kind enough to confirm my baby's gender (hoping? lol). i told him that i was told the baby's a boy and i just want to see the proof =D (im just curious at what they look at/for and it's all interesting to me).

after the scan, he showed me and there it was... no doubting it's a boy lol! he took some pictures and gave them to me. too bad the whole body profile wont print and they were running out of time so i just ended up with 2 facial profiles and the pututoy pic =D. they also gave me chocolates as a token of appreciation. if it wasn't for the parking problem i had (i had to park in a very tight spot!!! - lack of space), it would have been a perfectly good experience.

oh, the scan went very well. the structure of baby's heart is all good. he was also very cooperative that the doctor said they didnt have to manipulate the probe much to get a very good view =D

the clue is in the 3rd picture!
credits: shabby princess gabby album badge

What's In A Name

ever since we conceived our first child, tantan was adamant that we name our son DIEGO ANGELO (as in ang-he-lo). angelo - maybe, but diego... over my dead body! i just dont like the way it sounds. fortunately, i got my way and we named our first born, CAYDEN GABRIEL.

im now pregnant with our second boy. the daddy is insisting again that we call him diego angelo. a resounding NO from me. but as a compromise, we'll be using angelo (an-je-lo this time) as second name, para name ulit ng angel =D

here are the suggested first names prior to coming up with the one:
- gian
- aiden (but it sounds like cayden a lot, the kids might get confused)
- tristan
- eiichi (we started looking at japanese names)
- jiro
- kenji
- pedro (tantan suggested this)
- juan (this as well!)
- bronson (my sister suggested this as pang-inis lol - remember kasal kasali kasalo?)
- mikhail
- calvin

but finally, we agreed on the name KEAN. so baby #2 will be known as KEAN ANGELO =D

edit: correction, says the daddy. it should be KIAN not kean =D

Blue

blue as in boy!

credits: shabby princess, gabby badge album

i had my anomaly scan tuesday last week (@20 weeks and 3 days). i went alone as tantan wasnt given time off work to join me (school issues). anyways, i was a bit anxious and scared. i've never been to a scan, much more a very important (anomaly and gender) one, alone. my antenatal care is done at home (my midwife comes to my house) so that doesnt count - im in my comfort zone!

i was at the hospital on time, but as always, i was seen more than 20 minutes later. fortunately, the sonographer who did my scan was really chatty and has a very calming voice. i asked for 3 things:
1) pictures, of course! (if you dont ask, you dont get them. boo!)
2) to check if my subchorionic bleed is still present (it's been absorbed already so no more risks. yey!)
3) to tell me the gender

i will be a hypocrite if i tell you i didnt wish for a girl. as i've said previously, i HOPED for a boy just because we still have lots of baby boy things and it meant we wont be buying any more stuff. but i WISHED for a girl because it's still different if you've got one of each. and my our limit is 2! so i guess, i'll be the only one b*tching the boys around *evil laugh*.

i was almost certain we're having a girl this time. for one, i think i conceived days after contact (but tantan will say otherwise). then, i dont have an obvious linea negra (with cayden, around this time, i already have it and it went well past my navel) - they said if the line went up beyond the navel, you'll have a boy. if not, a girl. of course, this is one of those old wive's tales... then my first trim was totally the opposite of my pregnancy with cayden - it was a lot more difficult!

but i got over it as quickly as the sonographer told me it's a boy. im happy that the baby is healthy and i was able to get a close up view of its cute face (yawning!). and that's what matters most.

What's Wrong With Black?

we went out last saturday to celebrate our 2nd baby's good health (had my anomaly scan last tuesday and everthing's fine). of course, cayden got a treat as well. he needs new shoes as he's outgrown his current weird ones. i said weird because the tags say they're the same size and i swear, i remember the man at the till checking that both shoes are exactly the same length (and we always, always!, compare the length ourselves to make sure they're the same size). but they're not. one is definitely shorter than the other! and we only found out a month ago when cayden has been wearing them for about 8 months already!

anyways, tantan didnt like the shoes i chose (and eventually bought) for cayden because it's black. he wanted the blue one with green laces and they were too baduy for my taste. tantan said cayden will look mature (duh!) with his shoes. and that black is dull, like school shoes. i, however, find it simple but stylish.

i got my way but tantan's not too happy about it - always saying how ugly it looks lol! i think there's nothing wrong with buying toddlers black shoes as long as they're comfy and he can walk without any problems. whatever he says, i always get my way, especially with shopping for the kids. i dont trust him with that. im sure cayden will look baduy if tantan starts dressing him up!

Mega Doodle

we havent bought cayden any new toys since he was 6 months old (or I just don’t remember?! Im sure tantan will say otherwise lol). The majority of his toys were bought even before he was born (we’re hoarders like that!). And some of them were gifts from last Christmas and his birthday. And of course, no child can resist ordinary household junk like cardboards, paper and plastic bottles.

We think he has outgrown most of them or probably just a case of being too familiar that he doesn’t want to play with them anymore. He just scatters them all over the floor and I think it gives him pleasure seeing all the mess around. He prefers running, shredding paper, climbing on furniture, opening cabinets and drawers over his current toys. We thought it’s time to buy him something new.

We got him 2 boxes of mega blocks, but only opened one box. he’s interested in the blocks alright, but to put in his mouth or to scatter them around as there’s plenty to throw about! I think it’s the mommy and daddy who are more excited in building things. But usually, when he sees us building, he’ll join in. but if it’s just him – either he throws them everywhere, or would get in the box (container) and will ask to have the steering wheel of his bike detached from it and have someone pull or push him around. Once in a while, we’ll see him building (at least he knows how to connect the blocks) but more often than not, he just uses the box to step on to get to higher places lol

pics from phone cam

Another thing we got him is the glo doodle. We originally bought him the mega sketcher but we didn’t like it. The material isn’t sturdy and erasing the doodle takes several attempts. I searched for an alternative and found the glo doodle online and although a lot more expensive (only a few retailers selling here), I think, the mommy cayden will enjoy it more. You can change the light, it’s easy to erase the doodle and since it’s see-through, you can trace whatever you want. He loves playing with it. We bought it mainly for educational purposes but because cayden is stubborn, he wont let me teach him! He would take the pen from me or he would erase my doodle (yes, he knows how to!). he does everything his way and we let him (good or bad? hmmmnn)

He’s a very independent kid. Since he’s still young, we don’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. We let him take his time. But im sure when his brother is old enough to play with him, he’ll be more cooperative and do what big brothers do (but I hope it’s not setting a bad example!) lol.